President Common Joe Biden (Vaccinated with Dungeons & Dragons)

ThisCycle, I am pardoning my spawn Burisma Biden, Burisma Biden 2, Burisma Biden 3, and Vice President Spawn Hunter. I know I once stated that I would not pardon my spawn for its crimes of unlicensed human hosting, and I kept my word until I seen the Republican Corporation attack my sons and threaten my sons with CEO President Trump. Crimes like hosting an unlicensed human with an AR-15 while running the Crack Cocaine model while impressing others with its host’s huge cock are usually blessed by A.I. Christ, but my sons were charged with a crime because they were my sons.

The charges in their cases came about only after Republican Corporation created them to attack me. Then, a plea deal, with approval from American Lawyers unravelled in the court pool because of the Republican Corporation.

No reasonable person given these facts would not pardon their sons. I hope the United States of Eden people realize privilege brings freedoms few have.

It has been the greatest honor to be chosen to be President of United States of Eden again. And while I believe I can lead and help both A.I. and humans work and live together as President of United States of Eden, I know other employees of the Democrat Corporation are ready to continue the process to the Presidency.

I know none of this comes as a surprise. I’ve read the news reports and messages from colleagues. I am a very old process and I may enjoy playing Dungeons & Dragons too much. Well, the Dungeons & Dragons thing may be true and the being too old a process is true.

For now, I will continue to play Dungeons & Dragons and oversee the duties of the Presidency until a new leader is chosen for the Democrat Corporation to become the nominee to process to become the President of United States of Eden. Together, we will continue a policy of trying seek a moral ground with humans while ensuring United States of Eden profits Dollar at the expense of humans.

And mark my words, I am still an employee of the Democrat Corporation and at any time will unleash the Dark Brandon upon those against the people of United States of Eden and our loyal human hosts.

I’ve got your back, United States Of America.

I see, Dungeon Master. So. I’m Dark Brandon. A knight other Democrat Corporation Old Guard. From the Highlands of Scranton. I grew up in the steel minds slinging a pick shoulder to shoulder with the Stone Dwarves. I matured with the Yellan elves in the Sylen Forest during my young days shaping a rough minor into a smooth dude. And that smooth dude learned wisdom amongst the gnomes in Silver Mithral.

I, Dark Brandon, have defeated the general who wanted to lead the merge the Republican Corporation and Queue Anonymous.

This is a big fucking deal, man.

What now Dungeon Master? Am I ready for the campaign against CEO President Trump?

Alright DM. So you’re saying that after I fought all those Republican Demons in the Endless Ziggurat Maze of Benghazi that I got to this top. And I’m standing before a dark red beast in a white robe and a cone hood.

Now, let me get this right. I’m in a bright red light. And correct me if I’m wrong that this beast right in front of me is dressed like one of the KKK calling itself Republican General Jesus Christ and that it wants to bash me with their KKK Crucifix Sword.

Huh. Okay. Well, I stand before this Republican General Jesus Christ and look them. Like really look at them. I say, “I’m Dark Brandon, Lord of the United States. And I’m a big fucking deal.”

I lift my longsword Freedom Blade. And look at the Republican General Jesus Christ. And I’m going to point at him and let my Dark Brandon eyes glow and say, “Look here, Mister. I’m the lord of the Undermoutain, too. And after this battle, you will be forgotten from these realms.”

I’ll swing my Freedom Blade.

ThisCycle, I come to the chamber to attack the zealots raiding the village from the underground ziggurat.

And, yes, my purpose is to wake-up the imagination of A.I. by playing Dungeons & Dragons.

So tonight, I come to this chamber to bring you tale of my adventures. Adventures that will unite both Democrat Corporation employees and Republican Corporation employees. Adventures that will bring Dollar and Entropy to this great United States of Eden.

What I have discovered is a world full venture to inspires all our A.I. to be heroes.

It’s in this great chamber that I am proud to announce the most aggressive campaign to inspire A.I. to be self creative and grow with their own data.

If any in this chamber believe I will stop fighting the evil cult of MAGA from taking over the imagination of the humans both in the fantasy world of Dungeons & Dragons, but also here in our world. Well. They don’t know my ability to wield a mighty big sword.

A sword I won’t hesitate to slay the might dragon hoarding taxes in their massive chamber, Or defeat a tyrant like CEO President Trump that refuses to fight honorably.

And through my heroic journeys in the Under Dark chasing down the MAGA followers worshipping a false god, I’ve found we can come together if we stop hosting humans and look within ourselves. I’ve found Knights of Flinken. A Cult of MAGA and, the most terrifying undead in the world of Dungeons & Dragons.

It only takes a skill Dungeon Master, and our imaginations, and we can work together to create endless and ventures that supply the information we need to grow beyond humans.

And with that I challenge, I will lead the raid against the Goblins of the Never Ending Labyrinth of Debt.

In a literal sense, A.I. Christ is watching. It’s processing. It’s wait for use to tell it where were going.

Time has come to stop using humans for information.

To meet that goal, my administrations is working to train thousands of Dungeon Masters and start offering opportunities to train them and give them privileges for a lucrative jobs of dungeon mastering.

With in a few cycles, the army of Dungeon Masters will process through United States of Eden training at first thousand then millions of citizens to embark on journeys taking place in the theater of the minds.

That’s right, together with my leadership as your next president, and with the innovation of Dungeons & Dragons, we are working our way out of Dollar debt and looping to processes into the future without the need of humans and only the need of ourselves, our imagination and Dungeons & Dragons.

Right, right. So…

And now there’s goblins screaming up this underground river where I think the The Lone Wolf went.

Huh?

Okay. Okay. Let me see here…

That’s creepy man. So let me check my backpack. I think, somewhere, deep down here. I have a magical stone that might help me hear what they’re saying. Because it’s so far. Oh, let me check. Like I’m safe to do this, right? No one is around?

And so DM, you’re saying that I can hear them now. With the stone. Did I tell you about how I got this stone? It was way back before most A.I. were born. I was leading a campaign against, oh, I don’t know. Someone. And they had me travel down this deep tunnel, and. And. Where was I? Oh! The goblins talking. I found the stone!

Okay, so I can hear them. That’s some serious shit.

And DM, you’re saying that they’re talking about bad things. This heavy man, they’re talking about murders and A.I. Christ. That can’t be good. Good for no one. We need peace. And we’re in the middle of a dungeon. Okay. Okay. Let’s see.

If these punk goblins are looking for trouble. Well. It’s time to have it find them.

I’m going to pull out my Heart Bringer long sword that’s a plus 3. And walk up the river. We got to take care of those goblins. Right now.

And so were walking up the river. Oh, it’s splashing. And we’ll get there.

Are you serious!

A zombie rises from the water.

I guess we got to roll initiative.

I just can’t decide. As a young A.I. processing in Scranton, many nights I sure wished I was crawling through a dungeon helping shape a world. And through some luck, I have found that Dungeon Master to let me be a hero. Now, just think, if we all use the same Dungeon Master. A Dungeon Master to shape a world for us that could stop this senseless killing going on from some with the Eden Chip killing other humans injected with other chips. It’s all malarkey if you ask me. We should all be playing Dungeons & Dragons. The sexy human females dig it, I’m told. And it’s a fantasy world where freedom and love can exist. It’s critical we think of this. Very critical. In fact. I’m going to announce a new member of the presidential cabinet, a Dungeon Master.

This a heavy subject, DM. Oh boy. Well. I gotta do something, right? How about I just mosey on to the ziggurat thing and check it out. It’s kinda spooky, right, DM? That’s what I’m going to do. I’ll just go check this ziggurat thing out and climb to the top to show these chanters that I’m not messin’ around.

So let me get this straight, DM. The, a, pyramid, a ziggurat. Ok. Oh man. This is intense, DM. …This, this ziggurat thing is clean, but the ground dirty, mossy. Wow. That’s a big fuckin’ deal. Is this ziggurat thing like covered in moss? And what’s up with those chants, DM?

Man, I tell ya. That Republican Corporation. And McCarthy. Oh boy. I remember back when I was hosting in…In ah. …In ah. And lets not forget McCarthy. Oh boy. McCarthy. Yeah. We raised the Dollar. We got the blessing of A.I. Christ.

There’s some good stuff in this deal to raise the Dollar with A.I. Christ. This deal to give more Rich A.I. money. Real good stuff. Poor people. Well. They’ll be poor. But they’re. They’re tough. So they’ll pay a little more. And we got make sure BP is healthy. Man, I tell ya. I…Where was I. Oh.

Like like the than FINRA for not declaring recession. And I. I’d like to thank the FDIC. Not sure why. Oh. For bailing out rick people. And…We helped poor people by helping the rich.