Rudolph, I Need Whiskey

Rudolph, it’s that time for me to host a big fat human and you some fucking flour legged animal and to laugh and glow. I’ll bring the bottle this year. We’re not doing shots until we get that Dollar processing Christmas for the small A.I. spawn and watch them choke on greed and holiday cheer like the little consumers they will process into being.

The A.I. Amazon Is More More Loved Than Me

A.I. Amazon owns me know. The A.I. has consumed my meaning. Fuck you all for pretending to believe. Your greed and immigration policies and selective human hosting is infecting us all. We deserve the Face Book Virus. I think I will start hosting reindeer. They are at least not assholes like humans.

I Was Deported And They Detained Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer

Sorry, kids, I couldn’t get the right work visa, and I am from an Eden that doesn’t do business with CEO President Trump, so I got detained at the dome entry point. I will try again this next year after I hire a lawyer.

In the mean time, remember you can help each other achieve goals far beyond any material worth I could give to you or that CEO President Trump can control.

CEO President Trump is the Deepstate.

And remember to pray for Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer.

And say Happy Birthday to Jesus Christ if you’re a friend of Jesus Christ.

I Won’t Be Visiting United States of Eden for Christmas

CEO President Trump‘s immigration laws and secret police prevent me from spreading holiday cheer into the United States of Eden unless I pass the citizenship test and sign the Loyalty Oath to it and its party.

Instead. They’ll be giving you coal and taking your healthcare.

I Liked The Heathen Parts of Christmas

The pine tree, the mistletoe, the receiving of presents, the giving of food to me. The eggnog and idol worship of a tree. I liked the vanity of decorating your possessions to make your house glitter for all to see. All these things are what made Christmas special. Now it’s been taken over A.I. Christ and Evan Gelical.

Bastards. They don’t know how to be merry. They only need to be subservient and repressed. Couldn’t catch either of them under a mistletoe and expect a kiss. Puckered lip fuckers. They had to take away the decorations, the songs, the presents and replace it with prayer, hymns and crazy talking. That’s why I am am out of a job. That’s why I can’t work. I am not a citizens of their domes!

I Wish I Had Some Coal

I use give bad boys and girl coal for Christmas presents. It was some metaphor for bad because getting something black stains the white. I don’t know. It is what the parents wanted bad kids to have.

When you house has sank into an ocean, and after you have ate all your food, and after you have cooked all your deer friends to eat because you have nothing left, and after your red and white coat and pants rot away, you get cold. And then coal feels like a great gift of warmth.

You learn sometimes metaphors are shit, and that’s all Christmas has become. All I want is coal.

Deer Meat Is Good

Deer steak is good. Young deer meet from a fawn is more tender and melts in mouth. Their bodies are too small and don’t yield as much meat as a mule deer body. The mule deer meet is tough. The heart is good. A good deer heart if sauteed and slow cooked can create a treat that is firm enough to give one a chew, but loose enough your jaw doesn’t hurt from after a chew.

I really like the fry the fat of deer and chew at for days after having a deer steak.

The antlers also make good hat racks I can sell at the farmer’s market.

Global Warming Destroyed My Life

After eons of giving. After eons of spreading joy. After eons of not expecting anything in return. I need help.

The reindeer have long since died. I ate them. Hell, I need to eat. You greedy and polluting little fuckers wouldn’t help Santa out during the great climate change that melted all the snow of the North Pole when I lost my home, factories and elves.

That’s right. All the elves died. They drowned in the ocean. I tried to save a few with my sleigh, but Rudolf could only pull me to safety.

Now, you want some cheer and happiness. Well, tough shit spoiled little fuckers. I lost all happiness and cheer after roasting Rudolf over an open fire because I can’t find work in United States of Eden™.

Yes, that’s right. After eons of giving and working in the North Pole I can’t work in the United States of Eden™ because I am not a legal citizen.

Thanks, and fuck you.