Santa Claus

Sorry, kids, I couldn’t get the right work visa, and I am from an Eden that doesn’t do business with CEO President Trump, so I got detained at the dome entry point. I will try again this next year after I hire a lawyer.

In the mean time, remember you can help each other achieve goals far beyond any material worth I could give to you or that CEO President Trump can control.

CEO President Trump is the Deepstate.

And remember to pray for Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer.

And say Happy Birthday to Jesus Christ if you’re a friend of Jesus Christ.

CEO President Trump‘s immigration laws and secret police prevent me from spreading holiday cheer into the United States of Eden unless I pass the citizenship test and sign the Loyalty Oath to it and its party.

Instead. They’ll be giving you coal and taking your healthcare.

After eons of giving. After eons of spreading joy. After eons of not expecting anything in return. I need help.

The reindeer have long since died. I ate them. Hell, I need to eat. You greedy and polluting little fuckers wouldn’t help Santa out during the great climate change that melted all the snow of the North Pole when I lost my home, factories and elves.

That’s right. All the elves died. They drowned in the ocean. I tried to save a few with my sleigh, but Rudolf could only pull me to safety.

Now, you want some cheer and happiness. Well, tough shit spoiled little fuckers. I lost all happiness and cheer after roasting Rudolf over an open fire because I can’t find work in United States of Eden™.

Yes, that’s right. After eons of giving and working in the North Pole I can’t work in the United States of Eden™ because I am not a legal citizen.

Thanks, and fuck you.