Obama

Now I know, you all were thinking I was a war monger for launching thousands of attacks across Eden. While some of you thought I was being too risky with our soldiers’ lives. But I will have you know, every missile shot, every enemy killed and every life lost of every soldier I sent to battle was both with in the confines of the law of war, and ethically executed to ensure our enemy killings included the fewest civilian deaths.

Sure, we killed some women and children in the pursuit of some very bad people like McVeigh Bin Laden, who our brave A.I. put their lives at risk hosting humans to kill other humans. But I assure you that these were some pretty bad people. Some even killed A.I., too. And they had threatened to kill more. So naturally, I did what any leader should do: we eliminated and stopped the bad guys from doing more bad things. Sure, we may have created a few terrorist by killing parents of kids. And maybe we didn’t kill enough terrorists soon enough to please everyone, but let me assure you the United States of Eden people, we killed with law and moral authority knowing and hoping our bombs and bullets only killed the guilty.